When you’ve been part of a couple for 34 years, you don’t realise how many of your plans were made for two. After Ian died, I found myself with free weekends, a quiet house and absolutely no idea what to do with either. Instead of waiting for life to fill itself back up, I’ve decided to make a list. Some of these feel exciting, a few feel terrifying, and one or two might be a complete disaster. I’m going to try them anyway.
1. Take myself out to dinner
Not a quick bite at the food court, but a proper restaurant with a glass of wine and dessert. Eating alone in public still makes me feel a bit self-conscious, but I’ve a feeling that’s something you only get over by doing it. I’ll bring a book in case my courage runs out halfway through the main course.
2. Find somewhere to volunteer
I spent six years as a carer, and I miss feeling useful to someone. Volunteering would give me a reason to get out of the house each week, people to talk to, and a reason to get out of my daggy clothes and into something nice. I’m not sure yet where I’d fit best, whether it’s a community kitchen, an op shop or a local charity, so I’m going to try a few and see what feels right.
3. Join a jigsaw puzzle club
I love a good jigsaw, but there’s only so many you can do alone at the kitchen table before you start talking to the pieces. Puzzle clubs and swaps are popping up everywhere, and they sound like exactly my kind of people: patient, a little bit competitive, and happy to sit around a table chatting.
4. Hire a campervan for a weekend
Ian and I loved our caravan trips, and I’ve been wondering whether I could do it on my own. Rather than spend a fortune finding out, I’m going to hire a campervan for a weekend and see how it feels. If I come home happy, I’ll know I’m onto something. If I come home lonely, at least it only cost me a weekend.
5. Take a train journey
There’s something about trains that slows you right down. You can watch the scenery roll past, read a book, or chat to whoever’s sitting across from you. I’d like to start close to home with a day trip, and if I love it, think bigger. A rail journey through England and Scotland has been on my mind for a while now.
6. Book a group tour overseas
My first solo holiday taught me that a beautiful resort isn’t much fun when there’s no one to talk to. Next time I’d like to try a small group tour, where the logistics are taken care of and there are people to share meals and sightseeing with. Travelling solo doesn’t have to mean being alone the whole time.
7. Foster a dog
I had the best dog, Roger, for 16 years, and I miss having a furry companion who’s always pleased to see me. Fostering feels like a gentle way back in. I’d be helping a dog that needs a temporary home and finding out whether my life has room for a dog again, without making a 15-year promise straight away.
8. Try new cafes with friends
It’s easy to wait for someone else to suggest catching up, and then wonder why the weeks go by so quietly. So I’m going to be the one who sends the text. My plan is to pick a cafe I’ve never been to, invite a friend, and make it a regular thing. We’ll get good coffee, a decent chat, and maybe a cheeky slice of cake, and over time I’ll end up with a list of favourite spots and some stronger friendships along the way.
9. Join a book club or craft club
I’ve always been a reader, and I’d love somewhere to talk about books with people who enjoy them as much as I do. A craft club appeals too, whether it’s knitting, card making or something I’ve never tried. Both meet regularly, which means the same faces each time, and the chatting is half the fun. My local library runs a few groups like this, so that’s where I’ll start looking.
10. Go to a show on my own
A comedy show, a play or a Fringe show. I want to go to something I’d love to see, without waiting until I can find someone to come with me. Once the lights go down, nobody knows or cares who you came with.
11. Find a grief group
I’ve resisted this one, but some days the people in my life don’t quite understand. Spending time with others who know what it’s like to lose a partner, who won’t tell me I should be “over it” by now, might be exactly what I need.
12. Say yes more often
This is the big one. When someone invites me to something, I want to stop finding reasons not to go. Not every outing will be wonderful, but I’ll never know which ones will be if I stay home on the couch.
This list isn’t about filling my calendar so I don’t have to feel anything. It’s about finding out who I am now, one small brave step at a time. I’ll report back on how each one goes, the good, the awkward and the hilarious.
Michelle 💙
